Trying to make sense
Of a life in upheaval
Is like trying to
Hear a conversation between ants
You can see them, sure
See that they’re conversating
Their little antennae move
And they hustle forward with purpose
But what they said?
It’s non-sensical.
Problems are like this too
They appear, but don’t make sense
And decisions must be rushed toward
with all the purpose
of an ant on a mission
but none of the understanding.
It’s never enough
You can work – or stay at home
You can have game nights
And family dinner
You can take an interest
Or give them some space
But no matter what
To a teenager…
It’s never enough
How do I begin?
You had to grow up too soon.
You were the strong one
The oldest kiddo
With the most responsibility
As you celebrate this day
I think that the hardest times
Are finally behind
Sometimes I feel like
I’m a placeholder for others
Because of me
Their world stays in tact.
They’re allowed to grow, and be
While I remain fixed.
Always straggling behind
In the shadow of their success.
Labor division
Is never equitable
Where kids are involved
Hard work is not done
In the moments or seconds
That come after pain
No, hard work is done
In the smile of encouragement
The breath of patience
The tears of frustration
Hard work is not just blood or sweat
Those are momentary…
Fleeting
Hard work is done
In the creation of the scar
And the faded memory it becomes
Sometimes in our lives
We need a break from it all
True for children, too
My fourteen year old…
Said she needed a reset
As a parent, it’s hard
Hearing you’re not wanted
But it’s a valid feeling
For a teen to have
Especially when…
So many things are going on
So, she’s at grandmas
With no phone, but lots of love
For her reset.
And as for me?
The waves crash in front of me
Teal and turbulent
Foaming with worry and tousled with love
For my kid who carries so much.
I feel like I’m losing
Across the table, you stare
With hollowed out eyes
Eyes that scare me
Because I’m worried for you
Worried for all the feelings
I cant possibly help you manage
Not by myself. Not without help
And, don’t worry. We will get you help.
But in the meantime
I feel useless
Wishing I could take your pain
And fear
Ball it up and throw it far away
Crush it into dust
And send it up into space, letting it orbit around a star instead of your brain
But i can’t
I can’t do anything but stand by you.
And tell you I love you
Hipstory 